My journey of faith

I grew up in a small town called Hartington, Nebraska. As I was growing up, I went to church every Sunday. I loved the routine, the quiet songs and the peace of church. When I was about thirteen I asked my mom, "How do I get into Heaven?" She told me, "Your soul is like a white ball. Every time you sin (disobey God God) you get a black mark on it. When you die, God looks at your ball. If He sees enough white then He will let you into Heaven." 

I knew what that meant, be a good girl! So, I really tried hard to be good, but I couldn't seem to stop putting marks on my white ball. I'd say something mean - mark. I'd do something wrong - mark. I'd think something bad - mark. When I got to college the marks came even faster. You know what I mean ... Mark – mark – markmarkmark. 

I sometimes wondered if there was enough white left on my soul for God to let me into Heaven. At other times, I thought God was unfair to make this rule. Where did He write this rule anyway? I knew He let people into Heaven, but it wasn't fair that I wouldn't know the answer until I died. It just didn't seem fair and I couldn't do anything to clean the marks off my white ball. 

I met my husband, Bo, in college and we were married in 1987. He said he "came to Christ" when he was young, but I didn't know what that meant. As the years went by, I became more afraid of dying because I was getting more black marks. So, I just tried not to think about it.

In 1997 our daughter, Jessie, was born and I started to think about Heaven again. What if she asked me, "How do I get to Heaven?" What would I say? 

Two years later I asked Bo, "What is your favorite Bible verse?" He told me "John 14:6 'Jesus said I am the way, the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.'" What?!? Jesus had nothing to do with my way of getting to Heaven. 

I figured there must be something in the Bible to help me figure this out. So, I bought a Bible and started reading the easier part; the new part. I read ... Matthew, Mark, Luke and John ... and thought "Why did I have to read the same story four times?" I wasn't getting it and I was getting frustrated. But I'm stubborn, so I kept reading every day and saying a quick prayer. 

Then one day I read Romans 12:2 "… let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is." (New Living Translation) 

Okay, I still didn't get it, but I knew I wanted God to fix my soul. So, I just decided to trust Him. I knelt in our kitchen and told God, "I don't get any of this, but if you tell me to trust you, then that’s what I’ll do." Something changed at that moment. I didn't understand, but I knew God did something special that day. Getting to Heaven had moved from “my way” to simply trusting God. 

Since that time, God has taught me so much. My favorite lesson was the one He taught me about my soul; the marks can be erased. God can do it! He is the only one who can make my soul sparkling, white. Psalm 51:7 says, “Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.” (New Living Translation) This washing can only be done by what Jesus did for us on the cross.